blood tears and heartbreak
by half devil half vampire
Summary: Edward left Bella and never returned, now bella is a goth , what will happen when the Cullens return, better than it sounds. Please review. My other story is linked to what she writes
1. Dealing with pain

_Screams in the night_

_Bleeding in the dark_

_Hiding from the truth_

_Dying inside…_

I let my words flow onto the page, so beautiful in the blood red ink, a smile crossed my face and the words bled through the page and imprinted on my heart. I felt a tug in the back of my mind pulling me back to reality, a place I did not want to be, it was a place of heartbreak and pain. I had created a perfect little sanctuary in my mind, a safe spot in a dark world.

I pulled on my strapless short blood red dress with black lacing. I added thick black eyeliner and lipstick. I brushed my ebony hair and reapplied the red streak. **(Pics on page)**

I arrived at school and received the usual glares from who I like to call the sluts; Lauren and Jessica are the leaders and are surrounded by alode of total bitches. I stalked past and headed straight for my best friend Angela, after they had left she had looked after me, comforted me, she did not even care when I became a Goth and started to write dark fiction. She read them and loved them, but I still kept some of them hidden, they were too private to see.

I knew how to cope now; I knew how to live, to keep myself together. I had built a hard shell for me, to protect the real me, well that had been my plan. In stead in an attempt to cover all pain I had crushed the small part of me that was left into a corner and covered it in the new me. I had become a new person, I was not Bella any more, I was a stranger, a wild, violent, strong, fierce person who was not afraid, but fear had been the thing that had led me to create with person, this cover. Now I realise I need pain to remember the good times, sometimes you need pain to survive. I pushed those thoughts away, the thoughts that were Bella's thoughts, not this stranger who lived in my bodies. Edward left me, he did not care and he is not coming back, maybe out of habit, maybe because expected it, maybe because I had let Bella's thoughts wander freely for a moment,. I felt a shadow of that old rip in my heart, and then it was gone, like a forgotten memory carried by the wind.

We arrived in class and to my delight everyone ignored me, I saw mike and Jessica kissing passionately, I shuddered to myself and took out my writing book.

_The sky behind her is ebony in colour and woven into it are stars scattered across the night sky light drops of golden blood. She stands, her pale skin glowing in the soft moonlight, deep waves of dark brown hair cascade down her back like a waterfall. She takes a step foreword and feels fragments of rocks crumble from beneath her foot as it strikes the edge of the jagged cliff. Her sapphire blue eyes scan the raging whirlpools of chaos below, a portal to Hades realm. She takes a deep breath, stretches her arms and let's herself falls towards the darkness. Her fall makes her long white dress her shroud and as she tumbles to her death her last words is carried by the wind_

"Goodbye" before she is consumed by the waves.

_Life passes so quickly_

_Life is so fragile_

_It can be crushed by a single blow _

_Even the highest love can fall_

That evening I lay in bed waiting for sleep to come, I had fought it before but now I had just given it, there was no use fighting the tide. They star the same, the screams in the night. How ever hard try to convince myself I never did get over you, you turned life against me. I tell myself I am better of without you, but I know it's not true, I know I miss you I know I love you. I just buried it under layers of rock hard stone. I showed not many emotions now, with love you get heartbreak, with happiness you get sadness. Words began to write themselves in my mind so I darted up to write in my favourite red ink.

_She's a fallen angel_

_She's a fallen star_

_She's fallen from grace_

_She's fallen so far_

I sighed with happiness and let myself be pulled under the by the waters of sleep I liked to call hell on earth.

I Woke up the next morning and groaned sensing something bad was going to happen today. I struggled to my feet trying to shake off the nightmares I had endured last night, but however hard I tried my breathing was still ragged and uneven. I took half an hour in the shower trying to calm my nerves remembering my dream. I knew I would never recover I knew it I had built up a resistance Attack was my defence, it was the only way I could think of, trust no one, I had learned the hard way. I had lightning reactions if only Edward could see me now. I laughed bitterly at my thoughts.

I lay unable to move his face looming above me laughing I wept and begged him not to go but he did and I felt my soul tearing in two. I dressed in my plain black res today and headed out to school. I parked and got out the car; I was talking to Angela and writing when it happened.

_Every rose has its thorns_

_Every dream can go wrong_

_Every chance can come and go_

_I should have known_

_You were never gonna stay_

_But why lead me _

_To believe you loved me_

_It never made sense_

_I should have known because_

_Every song must end_

_Every door must close_

_Every light must fade_

_Every winter must come _

_Every soul must die_

I liked this one, It had a nice ring to it, I was not really listening to the gasps of surprise around me I was to busy concentrating on this. Angela shook my arm

"Bella" I looked up and my heart stopped

I felt that familiar wound open up, I had worked so hard to keep it intact and in some moment it had be destroyed.

They were back

The Cullens were back in Forks

And my life was over…


	2. Dead but still alive

**Disclaimer, I own nothing**

**Also I know I am not very good at writing some of the stuff so try to enjoy it for the poems. My chapters are very short but there will be a lot of them so please review, they keep me going. I will not be updating this very often as I have a hectic lifestyle and I am working on other stuff.**

I woke up the next morning with a start, tears poured down my face and I gasped for breath, they were just dreams, but they were so life like, so vivid, so real. I stood up grabbing hold of my desk before I could fall over. A glass fell of the table and smashed on the floor, it took me a moment to realise I was shaking so much the whole table was vibrating. I stumbled to the bathroom and almost collapsed into the shower. I knew I was being silly; I had hid this part of me so well. I got out and went for my comfortable velvet floor length dress and began to write.

_I begged_

_I pleaded_

_I cried_

_I never recovered_

_I screamed for you_

_Every night_

_I died for you_

_I never forgot_

_Your words_

_That night_

_When I begged you_

_Please don't leave me_

In my attempt to get all the conflicts out my words were scrawled across the page, the ink ran like blood.

I felt a lot calmer, like Jasper was in the room with me. I began to write a new story for Angela but I could not, the wound in my heart kept coming back.

I went to school that day and prayed for sunshine, but I should have known, life hates me. I ignored them, they do not exist, why should I note their existence if I don't care. I added loads of perfume and heavy makeup in an attempt to hide myself, I ran out of school at the end of the day. I had avoided them, no longer would they destroy my soul, my dark nature repelled most people, as did theirs.

I did my normal everyday things pretending everything was normal, I wrote a poem devoted to broken hearts

_I used to love you_

_Before you hit me_

_With your cutting words_

_I will never escape_

_The clutches of death_

_Cause I am on the verge of it_

_Constantly_

_Live love die_

_I lived_

_I loved_

_I died before my time_

I felt each word let a bit of pain escape, but I enjoyed it, pain sets you free.

I changed into my short blood red dress with black straps across the chest. It was my most revealing dress so I wore it with black socks with red bows and a red headband in my hair. I had just finished putting on my thick lipstick and waiting for my nails to dry when the door rang. I walked over and opened it. Alice and jasper stood outside, I turned and went to shut the door but Alice put her foot in

"Where's bel..." she cut of and looked at me for a moment "Bella" she breathed and Jaspers eyes widened.

"What" I snapped and she shook her head

"Edward wants to talk to you" Jasper said, his beautiful voice hurt me

"No he does not, he does not care remember!" I shouted at them "Go away"

"What has he done" Jasper asked himself my contacts made my eyes a wild green and they took a careful step foreword and I hissed at them. I could feel it coming breakdown, the darkness washed over me and I fell into their arms.


	3. scars, not just on my heart

**Thank you soooooo much too all my reviewers, you are all so kind I love you all.**

**This chapter is not so good because I am better at the poems so sorry, the next few chapters will be better.**

**In this chapter I decide to do a little bit from Carlisle's point of view, and Jasper, I do not know how well this will work so it might not be brilliant. You will see **

I awoke to golden eyes staring into mine; his bronze hair bushed the tip of my forehead. Edward. I screamed and tried to hit him away from me it only resulted in me hurting my hands a lot but he got the message.

"Get away from me, go away" I screamed at him tears pouring down my face, he leaned back his face filled with pain. Good I thought to myself.

I let out a bloodcurdling scream of agony before yelling again

"I said get away" Emmett was in front of me straight away

"Do what she says, you have hurt her enough Edward" his voice was cold as I watched Edward walk out the room I felt the gaping hole in my heart stop stinging slightly. I focused on the others around me, I was lying in Esme's arms on their sofa, to my surprise Jasper was next to me, he was gently touching my shoulder and I realised the calm was spreading through me. I fought back pushing his hand away and sitting upright, Carlisle was looking over me worriedly and Emmett was in a slight crouch behind me and Rosalie was nowhere to be seen.

"What do you want with me, he said you would not come back" I said my voice barley cracking as I hissed at them; their faces were masks of shock and pain.

"Bella, I have been so concerned about you" Alice said quietly from next to Jasper

"No you have not, I was never good enough for you, I am only human" I said my voice becoming louder and louder as I got angry.

"Is that what he said" Carlisle growled, I had never seen him this angry before, he ran his hand through his hair and sighed.

"Bella we will always love you, no matter what my son did to you" he said sitting down next to me I felt the tears starting again.

They loved me, but what about Edward; I had to push that out of my mind before I fell apart.

"Bella, why have you got scars all over you arms and legs" Alice asked quietly

"I fall over a lot and… well there was no one there to save me" I remembered the many falls tumbles, the pain and the blood, everywhere.

"Have you got any new ones, that are still bleeding" Carlisle asked and I nodded.

"Bella do you mind if I check them" he asked cautiously and I nodded.

I stood up and carefully undid the straps at the front of my dress, the whole dress slipped of easily, I leant down and pulled my socks of and they all gasped, Scars littered my legs and upper body. I stood in my underwear and watched Jasper slip outside.

Jasper POV

I walked swiftly outside the backdoor; I wanted to rip Edward open, how could he lie to her, say all those things. But it was all my fault, if only I had more self control, I should have, everybody else did, I was weak. What was wrong with me? I hated my perfect memory, I would always remember the scars all over her body, the scars she had gained because of me, and the bandages and plaster soaked with blood, luckily holding the smell in.

Carlisle POV

I held in gasp, so many scars even one that looked fresh running along the top of her stomach just under her bra. I gently took her hand,

"Come, we need to sort these out" I said and led her to the table I had treated her one last year on the night of her birthday. She lay down on the table tears still flowing from her yes, her makeup was ruined and she made no move to stop the black tears running onto the table. I began to clear the wounds, she barley winced the whole time, I finished swiftly and helped her up, she put her dress back on and stood there, unsure about what to do. My darling wife took her hand,

"Come Bella, stay here the night, I will find you a bed" she did not respond but allowed herself to be led away.

Esme came down a minute later

"I need to hunt" she said quietly, the others joined her; I stayed behind to look after Bella. That was when the screams started

**Yes I know it is rubbish and short and crap *cries* but I will write a beter one for the next chapter promise.**


	4. the tears fall

**I love all my reviewers so much, sorry Missy I decide to answer your questions in my story, also, I am not a Goth, well I like dark things and writing dark things, I am glad you like my poems, have you read my other story, bleeding hearts write poems? And to all my others reviewers, here is the next chapter!!!**

**Carlisle pov**

I ran at vampire speed up the stair case bursting into the room Bella was staying in, the sheets were twisted around and she was thrashing in her sleep. Her screams echoed around the room as I ran to her.

"Bella, Bella" I gently took her shoulders and shook her slightly, she awoke suddenly meeting my eyes, her breathing was ragged and her heart rate was high.

"Are you alright?" I asked her sitting down on the bed next to her, she shifted slightly before whispering

"Carlisle, I have to tell you but please do not tell the others. The scars, some of them were accident but most of them were me, I went mad when you left, I can't help it." She sobbed; I had thought those scars were to clean to be normal but I never thought she had done them. I was angry, sad, we had done this to her, maybe not physically but he had led her to do this to herself, and those scars would never fade. She leant over the side of the bed and picked p a small book,

"Here, this is some of the things I write about, I am going to go to sleep" she said the words almost robotically, like she had shut down her emotions, but her next words were low and broke

"Please… please stay"

"Of course I will" I said gently, I kissed her on the cheek and gently held her hand as she drifted into sleep. I began to read. (**OK for this bit you can read broken hearts write poems, but you do not have to, they are basically a lot of poems written by Bella, I might write some more) **

Through the night I watched over her, whispering softly to her when the nightmares came to haunt her. Thoughts ran through my head like droplets of water each one hurting me, but I was a vampire, I was strong and could take the pain. But this small fragile human girl would never be able to, she was defenceless, how ever hard she fought she would always be beaten by the waves of pain no human or vampire should ever have to suffer, we had broken this girl's spirit and now we had to heal it.

Bella POV

I woke to find Carlisle's golden eyes, almost the same colour as his hair looking down at me. His face was concerned, but full of love as well. The memories of last night flooded back and I gasped with shock, he gently squeezed my and said

"It's going to be OK Bella, I Promise"

I sat up trying to breathe normally, I finally managed it but when he left to let me get changed it went back. I could not breathe, y heart pounded violently in my chest and my whole body shook

"Carlisle" I called and he was at my side in an instant. He put his icy arm around me, but I barely noticed the temperature difference. Carlisle set us both down on the bed and we lay there for a moment before the tears spilt over and he pulled me closer letting me soak his shirt with soft salty tears. With every spilt tear a sad part of me escaped, slowly I was coming back to life.

Carlisle POV

I let her cry on my chest trying not to think about her pain to much. Slowly her tears began to slowdown until they finally stopped. By now my shirt was soaked and her tears were soaking her face, I was going to go change my shirt but when I moved away her eyes were wild with fear of abandonment, this was how bad it got, when she showed the really pained part of herself, this was what it was like. She was terrified of me even leaving the room in case I left her to fend for herself. I held her hand and slipped of my shirt and placed a blanket over part of my chest to keep her from freezing against my cold hard skin. She lay her head on my shoulder, her poems ran through my mind, I knew if you looked into my eyes you would see her pained face reflected there, her pain shared.

That was how they found us, the rest of my family, me lying next to my beloved daughter Bella, her eyes wide with fear and her head leaning against my shoulder. Emmett and Jasper Looked at me oddly for a moment, but I pointed to the floor where my shirt lay and smelling the salt in the air the nodded.

Ok I know another rubbish chapter *hits self* I had to write this chapter, the next few chapters will not have any Edward (Sorry!) these ones are about her bonding with the Cullens again. Sorry but most of the POVs will be Jasper and Carlisle cause they are easiest to do. In the movie they were the best, Edward was rubbish, and so was Bella. (Please don't kill me)


	5. a light in a dark world

**I am back with the next chapter, once again thanks to all my reviewers. Maggie here you are, sorry if you do not like her personality. **

I fell asleep in Carlisle's arms; I knew he stayed with me the whole night because when ever the bad dreams started his icy hand would hold mine and his soft voice would tell me everything was going to be ok. The morning he called Alice who stayed with me while I got changed

"Bella we are going out, we need to get you some food" Esme told me when I came down with Alice, I nodded and we head to the cars, I went with Carlisle, Esme and Emmett in the Mercedes, I still had not seen Rosalie. Every time I looked at them the pain in my heart flared up, their utter perfection, every time they spoke I wanted to cry, even though I had no tears left to spill after yesterday. I was trying to avoid Jasper, he should not have to share my pain, how could I ever do that to someone.

We got out of the cars and went to the supermarket, I barely noticed their questions, and the words they said were like whispers carried by the wind. We got outside and I breathed a sigh of relief, I would never admit it but being around other people hurt, even more than being around them. Emmett put his arms around my shoulders

"Bella, I have missed you so much, by the way I love your outfit it's so cool and the whole hair thing is great" he said gesturing to the dress I had worn to nights ago in front of... I could not think his name. I laughed lightly at his words,

"I missed you to Emmett" I said quietly knowing he would hear. He pulled me into a bear hug and swung me round a laughed properly for the first time in a year, I enjoyed the moment when the weight of the world was lifted of my shoulders for a moment. He put me down and grinned for a moment before the light faded from my eyes and face twisted in pain. I pressed into him, hoping with all his strength he could protect me, but even he could not protect me from my own mind. We arrived at a small park

"Can I sit down here?" I asked softly, they looked at me for a moment

"Of course, would you like us to stay?" Carlisle asked and I shook my head

"We will stay in your sight" he promised before walking over to a small lake with everyone else. I sat silently for a moment before a girl came and sat next to me

"Hi" she said

For a moment I was to shocked, why would anyone want to talk to me, I was a Goth, that kept most people away.

"Hi, umm no offense but why did you choose me to talk to" she considered that for a moment before answering

"You looked interesting, I am Maggie, and you are?" she said brushing her wavy sandy blonde hair out of her face revealing stunning stormy gray eyes.

"Bella" I said smiling at her, she seemed ok, but could I trust her, I could never make strong bond for the fear of them snapping and hurting me even more.

She followed my gaze to the Cullens,

"They are beautiful2 she said in awe, I chuckled darkly

"Yeah, they are good people to" I said

"You know them" she said her eyes wide

"Yeah, they are kinda my adopted family, Carlisle and Esme are like the parents, that's the blonde guy and brown hair woman holding hands, they adopted us all"

They only look about 23" she said

"I know" I replied smiling slightly her guess about Carlisle was so right.

"The other blond one is hot" she said looking at Jasper

"Yeah, that's Jasper, he is with Alice, the little black haired one" I told her and she cursed

"What about muscle guy" I laughed and could see Jasper was to.

"Emmett, he is with Rosalie, she is not here." I said smirking and she swore loudly

"All the good ones are gone" she sighed and watched as The Cullens headed over towards us.

"Bella, please introduce us to your friend" Jasper said still smiling slightly

Maggie seemed surprised at his appealing voice but managed to say

"I am Maggie, nice to meet you"

"You to Esme said softly" Maggie shook everyone's hands before saying

"Sorry I have to go" and walking into the distance, when she was gone I felt everything come pounding back to me. With her I was free, I was alive, but when she went she took that spot of light with her and suddenly I was in the dark again.

That night they all stayed near to me, even Jasper was happy to be near me, I fell asleep quickly with his soothing presence, I knew they were all there, there soft whispers when I started to scream, the dreams did not come, but lingered at the edge of my mind refusing to be banished, they were like shadows creeping foreword but I was protected by the shield their love had built in my mind. I felt there stone hard snowy skin holding my hand, stroking my hair and kissing my forehead when I became clearly agitated. I knew no matter what Edward had done to me I could never stop loving them.

**Sorry a short chapter, but I promise the next one will come soon and will involve mostly jasper and Bella. Maggie may be back.**


	6. AN SORRY

**AN- I am very sorry about this but I have had a lot going on recently and I have lost some of my muse for this story, I am still writing it but it will not be updates in a while because I am working on other stories and stuff, sorry!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**


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